My Biker Chick

After 31 years, I'm suddenly married to a biker chick. :-D

There she is, all suited up and ready to roll. Hardly a night goes by now that we don't ride a good five miles or more.

Her bike is brand new--a sweet Trek 7.2 with all Shimano hardware and Bontrager tires. Our rides are getting steadily faster and longer.

We also scored a new bike rack that fits neatly on the back of Lola (pictured in the background) and is just right for holding our rides. Tuesday night we strapped up, drove over to the State College building, and rode down into Craig Park for a few miles. Smooth roads, nice mix of hills and flats, trees, flowers, lakes, streams, waterbirds...good for both the body and the soul!

My biker chick is getting enthusiastic and ambitious. She mentioned the Santa Ana River path, so I looked it up. I have long known you could ride from Anaheim Hills to Huntington Beach without leaving the river bed (25 miles). I had no clue that the path extends all the way east to the Pacific Crest trail just east of Highland, in the San Bernardino mountains. From end to end, that's 110 miles! I suspect we'll make a goal to ride the Anaheim Hills to Huntington beach segment this summer. :-D

(By the way, those spandex biker shorts really aren't about the eye candy--it turns out they have crucially important padding sewn into strategic places.)

So...I really am married to a biker chick. I guess that makes me a Heck's Angel.

Judging the California Supremes

The recent ruling by the California Supreme Court concerning “gay marriage” touches a political third rail, to be sure. That much is obvious by the apparent potency of the venom spat upon the ruling.

Many rail against the ruling in emotional and strident terms, accusing the justices of being “activist judges”. They declare that the court has “endorsed homosexual activity”. They shout that the court has “legalized gay marriage”. They warn that the ruling will give “new rights, powers and privileges” to same-sex couples. They lament that, soon, religions will have no choice but to solemnize the “marriage” of any same-sex couples that desire it.

How the ruling will affect our society is certainly open to debate. But none of the assertions listed above are—they are all false.

Yep. False.

How do I know? I read the court’s opinion. It’s 172 pages long. I am no lawyer, but I do know how to read. I would wager that a very high percentage of the people shouting at the top of their lungs about the “evil conspiracy of activist judges” have not read a single word of the actual opinion.

To such people, an “activist judge” is any judge who disagrees with their opinion. The Supreme Court does not sit on high and “cherry pick” cases it wishes to use to promote an agenda or a particular point of view. Cases accepted by the court have all been through multiple layers of the justice system (some several times). There is nothing random or conspiratorial about the process—it is all strictly defined by the law.

The Justices can and do draw differing conclusions, but the PROCESS by which they must judge is defined, detailed, and documented. The opinion displays all the earmarks of such a process. It is disciplined, thorough, tightly reasoned, and clearly (though tediously) expressed.

The questions the court considers are always very precisely and narrowly defined, never general in nature. They are picking over a bin of material that has already been picked over by several other courts, and all the easy decisions have already been made.

The precise question before the California State Supreme Court was: “Is it constitutional to require homosexual unions to be labeled differently than heterosexual couples when the law already affords virtually identical legal benefits, privileges, and obligations to both. Does the state’s failure to “designate the official relationship of same-sex couples as ‘marriage’” violate the California Constitution? This was the sole decision the court had to make.

It was not the court’s task to determine whether the state should designate both types of unions as a “marriage”, but only to decide if failure to do so violates the state constitution.

The first implicated issue in the decision is a determination of the legal meaning of “the right to marry”. Although the state constitution does not contain any explicit reference to a “right to marry”, prior California case law has established it as a fundamental constitutional right. In addition, the Unites States Supreme Court has determined that the “right to marry” exists as a part of both “liberty” (as protected by the due process clause) and as a component of the “right to privacy” guaranteed by the U.S Constitution.

The court cited the 1948 case of Perez v. Sharp, in which the court found that California’s then-extant laws forbidding the marriage of interracial couples violated the constitutionally established “right to marry”.

The state has already legally recognized an individual’s capacity to create a long-term relationship and raise children therein regardless of their sexual orientation. Therefore sexual orientation is not a valid legal basis for a denial of elemental civil rights.

The court determined that even though the substantive rights are the same for both types of unions, officially designating them differently impinges on a homosexual couple’s “right to marry” under the California Constitution, and treads on rights due by the “equal protection” clause of the constitution.

The court further ruled that the state interest in designating the two types of unions differently was not compelling, and the differing treatment not necessary to protect any compelling state interest, and that failing to use the same designation for both types of unions would impose appreciable harm on same-sex couples and their children by casting doubt on the validity and social acceptability of the union relative to heterosexual unions.

Crucially, the court made it clear that the California Constitution has, from the beginning, recognized religious marriage as being distinct from civil marriage. The court also held that granting the label, “marriage” to same-sex unions will not infringe on any person’s or church’s religious rights, nor require any religious organizations to change their policies or practices in any way.

The court also found that there is an important relevance between the California Domestic Partner Rights and Responsibilities Act of 2003 and the question of the constitutionality of state statutes reserving the “marriage” designation for heterosexual couples. In the court’s opinion, the state legislature’s clear intent in California Domestic Partner Act was to eliminate any legal differences in rights, responsibilities, and obligations for both types of unions.

The court draws a crucial distinction between the right to marry and the right to engage in intimate homosexual relations. This opinion has everything to do with the former and nothing to do with the latter. The court is not declaring or endorsing a “right to same-sex marriage”. The court is only ruling on the constitutionality of state statutes that prohibit the legal application of the word “marriage” to same-sex unions. The court does not intend to “deinstitutionalize” heterosexual marriages.

The court noted that the “right to marry” has never been the sole preserve of those who are physically capable of having and raising children.

In summary, the court found that the “right to marry” is a fundamental, constitutionally protected personal right for all persons, and that homosexual orientation is not a legal basis for restricting or withholding anyone’s fundamental legal rights.

SO…what does all of this mean?

Well, if you’re worried about same-sex couples having all the same rights as heterosexual couples, you’re about five years too late. There is nothing significant on the legal or political horizon that would reverse that current situation. Better get used to it.

This whole flap is over a LABEL. If Proposition 8 passes in the November 2008 election, the court’s opinion discussed herein will become moot unless and until the California Constitution is altered to permit the label “marriage” to be applied to same-sex couples. If Proposition 8 fails in November, you may consider consider going into the flower, tux rental, DJ, photography or catering businesses--or moving to Utah.

What do I think of all this? Stay tuned to this blog and you’ll find out.

Global Warming

My technical training and background makes me more capable than average of grappling with the facts concerning global warming. Even if you believe most of the assertions made by those who warn of imminent, catastrophic climatological effects from human activities, you cannot verify a direct cause and effect relationship with any certainty because we are in uncharted territory. Scientists love to hammer away with their Spockian occupation of the logical high ground, but the truth is they cannot know how accurate their predictions will turn out to be.

Apparently, the earth warms and cools naturally. An “ice age” is technically defined as any time when polar ice caps exist. Scientists’ best guess is that there have been four major continental glaciations periods in North America, the last one beginning 70,000 years ago and ending about 10,000 years ago when the ice began to retreat. At that point in time, what we know today as “Canada” was 97% covered with ice. So technically, we have been in a “global warming” period for the last ten thousand years. When I consider this, it is easy to believe that larger forces are at work on earth that are not well understood by science to date.

Yes, my faith plays a role here. I know that many scientists who denigrate religion as delusional are often practicing their own form of “religion”, or belief system, which happens to be called “science”. I recommend Ben Stein’s film, “Expelled”,
as an excellent documentary on this subject. Scientists, at times, hold to their cherished beliefs just as “irrationally” as religious people do.

My belief is that God did not create this earth and fill it with people only to have it become uninhabitable. God does not deal in futility.

Even when scientists raising the alarm are as objective as they absolutely can be, I do not believe they have the whole picture. I spent 20 years in the computer modeling business-- enough to know that even very good computer models are never as accurate as advertised.

Bottom line—I am not ready to buy a hybrid, but I will keep my eye on the situation and ride my bike more often.

Breaking News

The Los Angeles Times is the only newspaper published in the LA/OC megalopolis that is not written in crayon. Read it while you still can--all the meaningful national and international news coverage will shift to the Internet, forcing newspapers to become one large Section B (aka the Whiner Section). All you'll see will be socialites, crime victims, and high school sports scores.

Wisdom from Harry

"Once, before it became the rage to live life to the fullest and always think young, it was simply understood that you had obligations in life and you met them. This gave daily existence both its rhythm and its larger meaning. In fact, it was presumed that your primary purpose on earth was biological, seeing to it that your kids grew up to be responsible adults in turn. What you did to earn a living--or whether you were fulfilled--didn't matter a damn. Yet here's the irony: by such a process (though the fact was probably never remarked upon), chances are you WERE fulfilled, likely far more deeply than most today who so aggressively inhabit the present."

-- Harry Stein, How I Accidentally Joined the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (and Found inner Peace)

A New Demographic

I am a 50-something, white, Mormon male who might vote for Barack Obama in November.

I began my political life as a Republican, and I retain social and economic values our society has labeled “conservative”. Nevertheless, I left the Republican Party rolls about eight years ago for two reasons: the Republican Party abandoned their “conservative” values to become a big, budget-busting government, and the corruption evident in partisan politics began to suck the oxygen out of the “big tent”. I have been a registered independent ever since.

I still find the “liberal” policies of the Democratic Party platform generally galling. I believe that depending on government to provide goods and services to ever-growing numbers of citizens is a slow form of societal suicide.

Maybe it’s age. Some people moderate their political thinking as they mature. My exposure to foreign cultures in nearly 50 countries has also given me a sense of appreciation for the diversity of other societies and religions.

Unfortunately, I think the true principal cause of my political introspection is a profound dismay with just how broken the status quo is.

Developments in recent years have convinced me that the “post-American” era is near, if not already here. As a nation, we have failed to learn one of the important lessons of history: the Middle East is the graveyard of empires.

President Bush says his goal is to promulgate democracy among Middle Eastern nations. I find that notion hardly credible for a couple of reasons. First, freedom is not universally treasured; many past and present societies have willingly traded it for security or other values. Second, the history of democracy in the West was a monumental journey that lasted several hundred years. Many Middle Eastern nations and their governments were artificially cobbled together only a few decades ago with minimal respect for existing cultural, ethnic and religious differences. How can we reasonably expect them to make the journey to democracy ten times faster than we did?

Our ability to intimidate other nations into compliance with our wishes has waned as they have matured. I do not intend to demean the commitment and personal courage of our servicemen and women. Nevertheless, the results we have sought from our military operations often seem ill-defined and non-quantifiable except when we count our dead and wounded.

I have great respect for John McCain’s personal courage and sacrifice as a prisoner of war. He does not have to prove his toughness to me or anyone else. I don’t care who combs his hair; I do care about how his wartime experiences may have changed him. I care about his apparent personal vindictiveness and the “with me or against me” mentality it implies. I like his immigration policy, but I think his approach to foreign policy could be anachronistic and counterproductive to our national interest in an evolving world. Why does John McCain advocate unconditional refusal to communicate with potential military enemies? Does he really think we can silently bend Iran to our will while the whole world watches us flounder in Iraq? I am willing to listen if someone can explain to me how we lose anything by being willing to talk before we shoot.

Most of Barack Obama’s stated policies run counter to all my instincts concerning self-sufficiency and small government. Then again, the currency of campaign promises is so devalued it no longer means anything to me. I am more concerned with character, with worldview, and with courage to change things for the better than I am with policy promises that are unlikely to materialize.

Intelligence also counts for a lot with me. With over 300 million people to choose from, we deserve to have a president who is intelligent, articulate, and persuasive in his communications. A true statesman not only has a healthy vision for the nation—he is able to persuade the nation to follow him toward that vision. George Bush could not do that because he cannot speak persuasively. (Bill Clinton never could do that because his personal moral failings damaged his credibility; it IS about character, stupid).

Can John McCain persuade us to follow him toward his vision? I’m listening—let’s see what he says, and how effectively he says it, between now and November.

Can Barack Obama do likewise? If he steers his policy wagon more toward the middle of the road and surrounds himself with smart, honest, and competent people, I think he has the best chance of any presidential candidate in my lifetime to become a true statesman.

The one thing Obama could do to lose my vote instantly is select Hillary Clinton as a running mate. Our hoary, creaky, corrupt political establishment needs dramatic renovation and rejuvenation, not obeisance.

I watched five years ago, with great hope, as Arnold Schwarzenegger rode into Sacramento promising to “blow up” the entrenched California political system. Unfortunately, he succumbed to the “dark side” and became the kind of politician he had once hated. I sense in Barack Obama a strength of character that, I hope, will enable him to resist the dark side of politics as usual and create a legacy of true political reform and statesmanship. That is an awful lot to ask of one man, but history has shown us that momentous events can and do turn on the words and deeds of extraordinary individuals.

I have seen the Terminator fail; I am now rooting for a young Jedi named Barack.

Bread and Circuses

One man, one vote is a concept to be esteemed until you find out that one man is a selfish idiot. Then it becomes a concept to be reexamined. The Founding Fathers (yes, even Jefferson) were horrified by the notion of electing a president by popular vote, which is why they created the Electoral College.

The Los Angeles Times recently reported that one in four students drop out of high school in the Los Angeles Unified School District. That is a tragic and lamentable indictment of both families and educators. Nevertheless, would you expect a high school dropout to be capable of evaluating complex social, economic, and geopolitical issues and arriving at an optimal decision on the best way forward? Would you trust your future, or possibly your life, to their ability to decide wisely? I believe the ballot box should have at least a minimum education requirement.

As for selfishness...I am now enamored of the notion of making people earn the right to vote by demonstrating the ability to put the interest of the group ahead of their personal interest. I think a good indicator of that quality is some kind of volunteer national service, whether social, economic, or military. One year ought to be enough to prove your sincerity.

Give Me a Reluctant Candidate

No man who needs the presidency of the United States to complete his life should be allowed to have it. Better that we draft a man who is capable, moral, unambitious, and beholden to no moneyed interest. I do not believe we have the strength to make this choice.

Governing Corporate Bad Boys

I am generally as strongly in favor of free markets as I am opposed to government going into business. Nevertheless, big business has repeatedly demonstrated, to the significant detriment of the entire nation, a continual inability to regulate itself for the public good. The sub-prime mortgage crisis is only the latest example of corporate greed run amok hurting nearly every member of our society. It pains me to say it, but business has brought down regulatory wrath upon its own head and I hope it works.

Caveat Bettor

In any profitable game, whether in Las Vegas or on Wall Street, there are experts who cannot wait for YOU (the novice) to sit down at the table. Do so at your own risk.

Land of the Free and Home of the Sick

As far as I can see, the U.S. Constitution contains no endowment or recognition of a right to receive health care. This is, and always has been, largely a private sector matter in the U.S. It may sound callous, but health care is in the same boat as legal services—you get what you can afford to buy.

Public expectations have changed over time; health insurance was once viewed as a safety net against life’s major and unexpected health challenges. Everyone expected to pay for their routine health care from their own pocket. Over time, we have become addicted to on-demand, professional care for every runny nose. To make matters worse, we hold that professional care to a high standard of performance and punish malpractice with enormous financial penalties, which must all be passed on to consumers in the form of higher prices. I think these are the root causes for the current state of our health care industry and policies.

As we approach what seems to be some form of universal health care administered by government, I am wary. I have zero problems helping pay for the care of someone who contracts as serious disease despite never having engaged in any behaviors known to cause that disease, or someone seriously injured in an accident through no fault of their own. I do have a problem helping to pay for the liver transplant of the alcoholic who is going to go right back to drinking himself to death or the life-long smoker who needs a lung transplant.

Increasing governmental involvement in health care opens the door for that government to begin trying to protect us from ourselves. I, for one, want less government in my life, not more. I prefer to take responsibility for my own actions and provide, in one way or another, for my own health care.

No Happy Virtuosos

Some people play music to measure their performing skill against an abstract, "ideal" standard of technique. Others play music for the joy it gives them. The latter is better--WAY better.

Malvenidos

I have zero problems with legal immigration.

I have many problems with illegal immigration. The first of these is simply respect for the rule of law. Does the law mean anything anymore? It feels terribly unfair that I must live daily life bound by numerous laws while millions of people brazenly spit in the law’s eye by their mere presence.

It does not help that they have changed our economy. No, I do not covet the low paying, laborious jobs they have. But I wish my kids could have learned (as I did) the lessons of labor by working that paper route or mowing the neighbor’s yard. Those opportunities are mere memories in the face of illegal immigration, and our kids are the worse for it.

Yes, everyone in this country except Native Americans is either an immigrant or the descendant of immigrants. But we are so big now that there must be some order to the rush. To the millions of immigrants here illegally, I say, “If you want to stay here, go to the end of the legal immigration line. Pay a fine for having violated our immigration laws. Go through the legal immigration process. Do not march in the street waving the flag of another nation while you demand benefits from this nation. Speak English when in public. If you have committed any crimes during your stay here, expect to be deported.”

To the U.S. government, I say, “Secure our borders. Change citizenship laws to preclude nativity as an automatic grant of citizenship. Penalize businesses who employ illegal immigrants. Run the millions of illegal immigrants now here through the system.”

If I have to live with the system, they should too.

The Great Meridian of Humanity

Eternal truth is unfailingly accompanied by an inescapable obligation -- rationalize your contrary behavior, or repent of it. There are no other options.

Keeping My Powder Dry

I accept the U.S. Constitution as a divinely inspired document. The debate over the Founder’s intent in granting the right to keep and bear arms in the Second Amendment is well documented. Without too much intellectual wrangling, I can accept the language at face value. I believe anyone over 21 years of age who has no record of criminal behavior or mental illness should be allowed to own a gun.

I do not believe for a moment that strict gun control laws will keep guns out of the hands of criminals.

Still, saying that is cause for some trepidation. There are many people whose lack of character, intelligence, maturity, or self-control make them high-risk gun owners, i.e., more likely to do something stupid with a gun. The societal price of the right to bear arms includes the tragic fact that some gun owners will use a gun stupidly, even criminally.

Yet, if I would myself own a gun, I am asking the rest of society to trust me. In the absence of contrary evidence, I expect and even demand that they do. I cannot ask more or less of anyone else.

I do not own a gun, but the day may come when I choose to own a gun. Until that day comes, I want my right to do so preserved. Thank you, Supremes.

The Grandkids

Here is a close-up of the baby doves near the nest, seemingly ready to fly off at any moment. Babies only need their parents for about three weeks, then are off into the wide world. Species envy? A little. :-)

Spectacles and the Blade

If you wear eyeglasses to read, you should also wear them to shave. Trust me.

The Bar

It's a pity that so many people spend more energy trying to lower the bar than it would take to simply jump over it.

Proud Grandparents

Yep, the missus and I are proud grandparents... ...of two brand new mourning doves. It seems a pair of mourning doves (who mate for life, I am told) found a spot under the eve of our front porch and built their nest.

The result:

I'm enough a romantic to be charmed by this familial development. I'm also enough of a believer to want to take it as a sign from above. After all, the dove is the biblical sign of peace. These doves, and any others in the neighborhood, are welcome at my house any time.

Checking In

I'm always about ten years behind the latest fad. That makes it time for me to start a blog about now.

I've named this ship Crafted Clarity, a phrase I coined as a hopeful expression of my performance as a freelance writer. Writing almost always disciplines thinking and shapes it into clearer communication.

Any topic is fair game as far as I'm concerned. My interests are broad, and include religion, politics, sports, music, cooking, entertainment, literature, investing, etc.

I hope to create or encounter interesting discussions about topics that matter, more or less, because they affect us all.

With the hope of planting a robust seed for what is to come, I'll begin by posting a simple but lengthy statement of the things in which I believe:

I BELIEVE

I believe the spirit and the body together are the soul.

I believe that our individual essence has always existed in some form, and always will.

I believe I have a mother in heaven as well as a father.

I believe in brand new phosphor-bronze guitar strings tuned to perfection.

I believe in the power of great music to expand the heart.

I believe in a great left hook.

I believe in butter-sautéed onions and rocky-road ice cream (but not at the same time).

I believe in freedom of the press.

I believe in laughter.

I believe all people are responsible for their own sins, not for Adam’s or Eve's.

I believe there are dimensions beyond the three in our physical world, and beyond time, as we know them.

I believe heaven helps the man who fights his fears.

I believe in mercy and in justice.

I believe Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone. (I believe Oliver Stone went overboard).

I believe professional athletes are overpaid.

I believe good schoolteachers are underpaid.

I believe in teaching people to learn to fish rather than giving them fish for a long time.

I believe in legitimate authority.

I believe in getting all the facts before making an important judgment.

I believe in hugs.

I believe Bill Clinton sold and spat upon the office of the Presidency.

I believe many people's hearts are set on temporary things.

I believe EVERY child ought to live in a family with a mother and a father who love them.

I believe parents (male or female) who abuse their spouses or children, should be publicly horsewhipped.

I believe in the death penalty, applied with as much justice and mercy as we can muster. I say this as someone who has literally signed a legally binding jury verdict imposing the death penalty, which means that my conviction has been put to the acid test.

I believe in adapting to broad changes in my social environment that do not conflict with revealed truth.

I believe certain moral principles should never be compromised, no matter how the social environment changes (I believe moral relativism is one of the great scourges of our society).

I believe I am here on the earth for a purpose.

I believe that human beings are far too special for life to end at physical death.

I believe in the power of great thoughts, quotes, and speeches to change people's lives.

I believe the entire purpose of my existence is to come to know joy (I believe I must therefore also experience joy's opposite).

I believe compound interest is a wonderful slave and a horrible master.

I believe in order and common sense.

I believe that on certain occasions common sense must be thrown to the wind.

I believe in respecting the property and personal rights of others.

I know God answers prayers.

I believe in teriyaki sauce.

I believe in common courtesy.

I believe in noblesse oblige.

I believe the world will get more chaotic and dangerous than it is now, up to a point.

I believe in teaching those behind us, and learning from those ahead of us.

I believe that when I ride, ALL my loved ones should ride too.

I believe I am an incurable optimist.

I believe mortal life is a school, and a proving ground.

I believe FDR and Winston Churchill saved Western civilization.

I believe in being slow to anger.

I believe there is a huge difference between being a hero and a victim (I believe the media have forgotten the difference).

I believe “Fiddler on the Roof” is the finest musical motion picture ever made.

I believe Tolkien’s “Ring Trilogy” is the finest English language novel ever written.

I believe in violence when my loved ones or I are truly threatened.

I believe all the strong and smart people should be kind to those who are not strong and smart.

I believe it is a mistake to induce children everywhere to say to themselves, "I am Tiger Woods".

I believe in service to the community.

I believe in insurance.

I believe in naps.

I believe that most people, consciously or subconsciously, do things that move them closer to getting what they really desire deep inside.

I believe baseball really turned for the worse when the first MLB player stepped up to home plate on national TV wearing an earring. (I think it was Barry Bonds.)

I believe in hot, hot baths.

I believe in poetic justice.

I believe that democracy is not ultimately the best form of government, but the best thing we can now make work (so to speak).

I believe in music that includes melody, harmony, and rhythm.

I believe it is impossible to be a virtuoso and be truly happy at the same time.

I believe the movies Field of Dreams and Armageddon made me cry.

I believe the Gettysburg Address to be the most finely crafted and moving speech any President ever made. I believe Lincoln's letter to Mrs. Bixby to be the most perfectly crafted and poignant written communication ever produced by an American president.

I believe JFK would not be a hero today if he had lived.

I believe it's a mistake to allow technology to separate us instead of bringing us closer together.

I believe investments in paper companies are ill-advised for the foreseeable future.

I believe there is no rational reason why alcohol should not be targeted as vehemently as tobacco has been (both are a plague to the human race).

I believe I detest professional victims.

I believe in dancing.

I believe people mock what they fear, or do not understand.

I believe in motocross.

I believe in songs that tell a story.

I believe James Michener's novels are all too long (I believe James Michener couldn’t care less what I believe).

I believe Americans like their heroes sanitized.

I believe you CAN fool most of the people most of the time if you are very skilled, funded, and motivated.

I believe the scourge of racism is alive and well in America.

I believe drugstore aftershave works just as well as expensive cologne.

I believe in recliners and massage chairs.

I believe in creativity.

I believe there are very few places in America, let alone in the rest of the world, that are free from corruption.

I believe some problems have no solution, and must simply be borne.

I believe in fresh, warm bagels.

I believe in acoustic music.

I believe everyone deserves a spanking from time to time, whether they want it or not.

I believe the highest laws are written by the finger of God upon the hearts of honest people.

I believe in praying and working for peace while keeping your powder dry.

I believe parables are the most powerful instructional tool ever invented.

I believe Reverend Jim was funnier in Taxi than Kramer was in Jerry Seinfeld.

I believe all great comedians are mentally ill to some degree (which makes laughing at them seem rather cruel, but they seem to enjoy it).

I believe East Coast people north of the Carolinas hustle more than their west coast counterparts, but the west coasters have more fun.

I believe humidity should be outlawed.

I believe both sides of the environmental debate have resorted to extreme tactics.

I believe we ought to think carefully about giving the government the power to protect us from ourselves.

I believe Disney is the most powerful marketing machine ever created.

I believe the show Family Guy is generally devoid of any redeeming content, but may possibly still be the funniest show on TV. That thought ought to make someone shiver.

I believe in Mel Blanc.

I believe no adult who hates Warner Brothers cartoons should be trusted.

I believe The Far Side is a great meridian of humanity -- either you get them, or you don't (my mother-in-law never will).

I believe in protecting my “wasted time”.

I believe people who crave status and power in corporate America will someday regret the price of acquisition.

I believe my grandma Ethel was right when she said “fear is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere”.

I believe there is something magic about a candle flame that electric lights will never be able to duplicate.

I believe all the human beings in the universe are not on planet Earth.

I believe I am one of the laziest people I know.

I believe George W. Bush started the Iraq War out of a desire to leave a legacy of being a wartime president who spread freedom and democracy throughout the Middle East. I believe he and his team lied to the American people to sell the war. I believe the Bush Administration’s profound ignorance of Iraqi political, economic, social, and religious values doomed the war from the start.

There...that ought to do for starters.